Just what the world needs now - Leading London papers are reporting a terrible outbreak of Zombie like creatures that prey upon the unsuspecting in usually busy public places. According to Scotland Yard's Special Agent Lars Blum, "The devilish, cannibalistic creatures stand under one meter tall and believe it or not, are totally homosexual in sexual preference!" Blum added that, "They are a result of the recent Swine Flu epidemic and their DNA has has appeared to have been altered by the flu vaccine." A recent attack in Hyde Park caught Mark Lowton, editor of theSpoof.com, an international mainstay of spoofed stories, by surprise. Lowton was partially eaten and then vigourously sodomized. Lowton has since recovered, but vows never to go out alone again...Next time, if he has to go anywhere, he'll bring a tube of salami to throw to the beggars! Lowton requested that the police that do arrest the perpetrator should forward the man's address and phone number to him immediately. Some aren't so fortunate. At least 177 people were brutally devoured and their remains strewn around popular tourist sites like the Tower and Buckingham Palace, adding more fear and a cancellation of tours. Tourism has dropped over night by an astounding 94%!
Police promise a quick solution to the problem as they imported 200 midget Klu Klux Klan members from Liverpool.
Londoners, who's usual resilientcy to calamity is world reknown, are fleeing the city in droves. Boats and planes are booked solid for at least the next 60 days and many have taken to small boats to cross the channel in order to escape the madness in the streets. Officials across the channel in France have been stopping all boats and using a measuring stick to survey all refugess' height. Anyone under a meter tall is hastily turned back, except if they speak French, then they are immediately drowned.
Written by Bargis Tryhol
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