San Antonio - Ravaging hordes of Mexican Flu zombies raged onward toward the north as food supplies in this vanquished city of 13 million dwindled down to nothing. Homeland Security alerts have been posted as far north as Chicago and Seattle.
The Mexican Flu, once called the Swine Flu, then switched to H1N1 Flu by the Obama White House, because it sounded more 'technical and friendlier,' has caused a massive outbreak of Flu Zombies that threatens to take over the Southwest United States.
Fist hand reports claim a band of more than 15,000 Mexican Zombies invaded western Tennessee and kidnapped popular singer Miley Cyrus and spirited her off to Oklahoma under the cloak of darkness and before police could issue an alert that she was even missing. Miley turned up shaken and not-stirred in Weebles, Oklahoma. She was observed standing nude in the loading zone, holding an orange pail, a roll of clear plastic, and a ladder, along with a most peculiar dazed look upon her face. Police responded immediately and picked her up for questioning. Reportedly, she kept repeating a request for a 'hankie and some Robitussin cough syrup.'
Along the Texas border, non-deterred locals have found a pleasurable past time while waiting out the flu pandemic. A recent weekend was filled with drinking cold beer and betting on making 'Zombie head shots' with their scoped deer hunting rifles. So far an estimated 1.1 million zombies were 'eliminated' until the shooting stopped due to the beer running out.
Anyone wishing to help out the Texans, can support them by sending any spare .308, 30-06, or .270 win ammo to San Antonio, Texas. Beer donations are certainly welcome.
Written by Bargis Tryhol
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