You've just gotten to your favorite store with the kiddies and everyone is smiles. Peggy Sue and Billy are overjoyed and screaming Santa's name. Suddenly there comes a clatter! You look over and see Santa chewing on an elf.
Yes my friends, Santa is a zombie and you have to take him out. So how do you do that without serious damage to the kids? Well slap a gun in their hands and make a game out of it. There's nothing that brings a family closer on the holidays than blowing Old Kris Kringle away. And hey, while you're at it, why not take out a few jolly little elves for some extra target practice. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Merry Christmas
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
This Holiday Season
Now now, I know we all want to rush to the mall for that special gift, but let's not forget the crowd that is most likely already there.
Yes my friends, zombie shoppers! We've seen them, wandering around, smacking into the glass, running to the food court for today's brains special. But beware if the stores run out of zhu zhu's we're all doomed.
So this is what you bring with you just in case of a sudden uproar of violence and carnage:
1. Bring a hammer, you never know when you'll have to smash a skull or two.
2. Bring a handgun...bigger guns tend to be heavy and sometimes difficult to grab at a seconds notice.
3. Bring extra clothing (just in case of blood splatter), remember we always have to look our best at the mall.
4. Carry extra ammo...we all know you'll have to re-load more than once.
5. Wear comfortable shoes, just in case there might be some running involved.
Now, keep smiling and remember to enjoy the holiday season.
Yes my friends, zombie shoppers! We've seen them, wandering around, smacking into the glass, running to the food court for today's brains special. But beware if the stores run out of zhu zhu's we're all doomed.
So this is what you bring with you just in case of a sudden uproar of violence and carnage:
1. Bring a hammer, you never know when you'll have to smash a skull or two.
2. Bring a handgun...bigger guns tend to be heavy and sometimes difficult to grab at a seconds notice.
3. Bring extra clothing (just in case of blood splatter), remember we always have to look our best at the mall.
4. Carry extra ammo...we all know you'll have to re-load more than once.
5. Wear comfortable shoes, just in case there might be some running involved.
Now, keep smiling and remember to enjoy the holiday season.
When...
Sorry, when the zombies attack I'll cry for you after, but I'm still gonna trip you......I'm just sayin'
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Making Sense Of Talking Zombies.....
Ok, so you're in your hiding place and you know you're surrounded by the undead, now you're thinking that you can hear voices (wow you're saved!), sorry, but no.
The talking zombies have arrived and by goodness you're in trouble!
So what do you do? Well, first off if you run I doubt they'll be able to catch you after all they are the undead. So that's your best bet. Think about it, if they can talk they can open doors and have a hell of a response time to their environment.
How do you recognize one of these special little guys? Let's see.....if someone walks up to you smelling worse than sewage on a hot day and half their head is gone, but still saying hi? Yep, I'd bet it's a zombie. So don't stand there eyes wide asking "sir are you ok?". It's time to turn, run and don't look back until you're a very good distance from that scene. Or you can stand there and be eaten, it's really you're choice after all.
Do talking zombies make sense? NOPE, but they're out there.
I just don't see how a zombie could carry on a full blown conversation considering the fact that by all rights the brain is dead. But what do we know, the right chemical spill or government experiment could cause all kinds of chaos.
The talking zombies have arrived and by goodness you're in trouble!
So what do you do? Well, first off if you run I doubt they'll be able to catch you after all they are the undead. So that's your best bet. Think about it, if they can talk they can open doors and have a hell of a response time to their environment.
How do you recognize one of these special little guys? Let's see.....if someone walks up to you smelling worse than sewage on a hot day and half their head is gone, but still saying hi? Yep, I'd bet it's a zombie. So don't stand there eyes wide asking "sir are you ok?". It's time to turn, run and don't look back until you're a very good distance from that scene. Or you can stand there and be eaten, it's really you're choice after all.
Do talking zombies make sense? NOPE, but they're out there.
I just don't see how a zombie could carry on a full blown conversation considering the fact that by all rights the brain is dead. But what do we know, the right chemical spill or government experiment could cause all kinds of chaos.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
If All Else Fails Kids Will Survive
The one thing you need to remember is that children will inherit the earth. Surprisingly children are very resourceful during traumatic times. They have the ability to hide in small spaces just out of reach of zombies. They run much faster than most adults and are always on a mission to put on a brave face.
Granted its tough for them to fire a shotgun, but they're much more agile and harder to get a hold of even when you're not a zombie.
Also children have a habit of crying quietly and know when to run. They never really hang around during these events and WILL leave their parents to be eaten alive at the drop of a hat. Pretty much all you have to say is "Billy run!" and all that's left is a puff of dust in their absence.
Another thing if children see zombie children heading their way most likely they're more than happy to take one out. If they see the school bully craving brains they leap to the task of taking them out. Its healthy to get out all that aggression all while saving their own skin.
Granted its tough for them to fire a shotgun, but they're much more agile and harder to get a hold of even when you're not a zombie.
Also children have a habit of crying quietly and know when to run. They never really hang around during these events and WILL leave their parents to be eaten alive at the drop of a hat. Pretty much all you have to say is "Billy run!" and all that's left is a puff of dust in their absence.
Another thing if children see zombie children heading their way most likely they're more than happy to take one out. If they see the school bully craving brains they leap to the task of taking them out. Its healthy to get out all that aggression all while saving their own skin.
Zombies Talk?
Now that throws me for a loop!
Now Romero broke the mold with smart zombies and I stood in shock, if you're a brain dead zombie, how can you think?
Amazing!
But yet there it was in front of me in full HD boggling my mind. So I decided to look into this concept a little.....if there are zombies that can think, what about the ones that might talk?! And surprise! I found such a creature. Now we all remember the half zombie laying on the slab talking about how brains helped with the pain......well people I found one better.
My eyes bugged out while reading in the local library when I started reading about zombies driving cabs, making change, opening doors, AND talking. Wow, I love them so much, always changing...always adapting. But that changes the whole idea of survival among the undead.
Now Romero broke the mold with smart zombies and I stood in shock, if you're a brain dead zombie, how can you think?
Amazing!
But yet there it was in front of me in full HD boggling my mind. So I decided to look into this concept a little.....if there are zombies that can think, what about the ones that might talk?! And surprise! I found such a creature. Now we all remember the half zombie laying on the slab talking about how brains helped with the pain......well people I found one better.
My eyes bugged out while reading in the local library when I started reading about zombies driving cabs, making change, opening doors, AND talking. Wow, I love them so much, always changing...always adapting. But that changes the whole idea of survival among the undead.
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